The display on my mobile shows 6:15am, and the city is buzzing. At least half of the shops have already opened, people are congregating on the cluttered pavements for breakfast, and food vendors are laying out tiny plastic chairs – no more than about 30cm high – for their customers.
Not far away, foul-smelling three-wheeled garbage carts lurk in grey herds, waiting sullenly for their chance to devour whatever falls from the breakfast table.
At one edge of the throng are small groups of men, also lurking. Depending on when and where you are, they either stand expectantly waiting to spring into action, or lean back casually on their motorbikes, nursing cigarettes in their hands and calling "Hello! Xe om?" or "Moto?"* to passers-by.
As six-thirty rolls around, something new pierces the airwaves. Beatific music is blasted from lo-fi loudspeakers around the city, carried on cushions of polluted air to the ears of every citizen.
As the music wraps up, a voice begins talking: urgent, shrill, and incredibly annoying. It continues for about 15 minutes, then dies away and allows the army of scooters to once again take pole position in the race to corrode your eardrums.
To be fair, there have been some good bits. For the first few nights, I stayed in a hotel hidden in a maze of alleyways, which was fun to explore. The colours were pretty amazing; I just walked around going "Wow, look at those reds, yellows and greens!", and pointing my camera at the kinds of things that tend to make local people question your sanity.
("Why would anyone take a photograph of a dingy alleyway? Foreigners are all mad, I swear!")
In general, though, my first few days in Scooterville saw me inundated with relentless, deafening noise, drenched in sweat (the temp was about +30, but the humidity was just incredible), repulsed by the never-ending bad smells – especially those which emanate from the city's stomach-churningly putrid waterways – and wondering what the Hell I was doing here.
On my first weekend I decided to get out of the city, which gave me a break from the noise, but in every other way it just confirmed the ickiness.
I went to Tam Coc: a place about two hours from Ha Noi, where you cycle through villages and countryside to a town beside a river, then row down the river, which goes underneath several mountains. The scenery there was rather beautiful, but again, the villages were ugly, with construction materials lying everywhere and reservoirs of stagnant water that stank so badly it made me want to bring up breakfast. And the weather was appalling. I lost a few litres of liquid just on the bike ride (which was only about 6km ... i.e. no distance at all, compared to my recent 'cycling days' in Finland).
Still, at least I got to see foot-rowing, a skill that I was previously unaware of. Oh ... and inside a Buddhist shrine in a place called Ho Lua, I found out what Vietnamese people consider to be a suitable offering to the Gods. Not sure that, if I were a divine presence, I'd be so thrilled to receive half-a-dozen cans of coca cola. Then again ... maybe along with the vodka, it would help pass some time in the Otherworld ;-)
Later I asked a couple of people about this, and they said "Yeah, you have to be careful about re-used food here". Great.
So anyway, that was my first two weeks in the city which (thanks to my boss) I've come to think of and refer to as "Scooterville".
As to whether I'll stay ... well, of course I'm gonna give it some more time. Two weeks is not enough to judge how you feel about a city. That said, I have a sneaking feeling that I won't be seeing out my contract.
More about this soon, no doubt.
Bye!
* Xe-om / Moto = motorbike taxi
Not far away, foul-smelling three-wheeled garbage carts lurk in grey herds, waiting sullenly for their chance to devour whatever falls from the breakfast table.
At one edge of the throng are small groups of men, also lurking. Depending on when and where you are, they either stand expectantly waiting to spring into action, or lean back casually on their motorbikes, nursing cigarettes in their hands and calling "Hello! Xe om?" or "Moto?"* to passers-by.
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Xe Om Drivers Wait Outside A Temple
Ha Noi, Viet Nam, 11.09.10
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If you show interest, they helpfully produce a spare helmet, which is usually just about strong enough to protect your head from a stiff breeze.
Picking your way through the chaos, you pass enormous chickens standing terrified in their bell-shaped cages, hoping not to be on today's menu, while fish, shrimps and yabbies swim in filthy plastic buckets. Dogs and cats stand tied up outside shops (or sometimes caged inside), and occasionally a rat can be seen dashing bravely through the field of engagement, from one piece of cover to the next.
The traffic, meanwhile, has yet to hit its horrible peak, but already it's thickening like blood in an unhealthy artery.
Even at this early hour, a foreigner could be forgiven for doubting that so many motor-scooters actually exist on Earth, and suspecting that there are just 10,000 or so going around the same block on some kind of endless loop. The fumes are intense, and you're starting to understand why so many people opt for those ridiculous face masks – which, btw, are available here in an extensive range of colours, patterns, novelty shapes and Hello Kitty prints.
Even at this early hour, a foreigner could be forgiven for doubting that so many motor-scooters actually exist on Earth, and suspecting that there are just 10,000 or so going around the same block on some kind of endless loop. The fumes are intense, and you're starting to understand why so many people opt for those ridiculous face masks – which, btw, are available here in an extensive range of colours, patterns, novelty shapes and Hello Kitty prints.
For all of this mad activity, though, the city has yet to officially begin its day.
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Advanced Waste Management System
Ha Noi, Viet Nam, 24.09.10
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As the music wraps up, a voice begins talking: urgent, shrill, and incredibly annoying. It continues for about 15 minutes, then dies away and allows the army of scooters to once again take pole position in the race to corrode your eardrums.
And so ... welcome to another day in Ha Noi, glorious capital of the glorious Socialist Republic of Viet Nam.
*cough, wheeze, splutter*
But why (you might just conceivably be thinking) am I telling you about early morning street life in Ha Noi?
Well, the reason's pretty simple: I now live here.
Well, the reason's pretty simple: I now live here.
I arrived in Viet Nam on September 10th and signed a nine-month contract, which of course means that it ends next June. Thing is, though, after two weeks of life in the city I'm already having serious doubts. I seem to spend a lot of my time trying to convince myself that I don't, y'know, utterly loathe and despise the place ... and so far I'm not making much headway.
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Atmospheric Alleyway
Ha Noi, Viet Nam, 10.09.10
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To be fair, there have been some good bits. For the first few nights, I stayed in a hotel hidden in a maze of alleyways, which was fun to explore. The colours were pretty amazing; I just walked around going "Wow, look at those reds, yellows and greens!", and pointing my camera at the kinds of things that tend to make local people question your sanity.
("Why would anyone take a photograph of a dingy alleyway? Foreigners are all mad, I swear!")
In general, though, my first few days in Scooterville saw me inundated with relentless, deafening noise, drenched in sweat (the temp was about +30, but the humidity was just incredible), repulsed by the never-ending bad smells – especially those which emanate from the city's stomach-churningly putrid waterways – and wondering what the Hell I was doing here.
 |
Rowing by Foot
Tam Coc, Viet Nam, 12.09.10
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On my first weekend I decided to get out of the city, which gave me a break from the noise, but in every other way it just confirmed the ickiness.
I went to Tam Coc: a place about two hours from Ha Noi, where you cycle through villages and countryside to a town beside a river, then row down the river, which goes underneath several mountains. The scenery there was rather beautiful, but again, the villages were ugly, with construction materials lying everywhere and reservoirs of stagnant water that stank so badly it made me want to bring up breakfast. And the weather was appalling. I lost a few litres of liquid just on the bike ride (which was only about 6km ... i.e. no distance at all, compared to my recent 'cycling days' in Finland).
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Sacred Offerings
Ho Lua, Viet Nam, 12.09.10
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Back to Ha Noi for the second week, and it was more of the same: noise, smells, problems with food. I'd initially enjoyed the Asiatic flavours in some of Ha Noi's cafes and restaurants, but as I stayed longer, I noticed restaurant staff doing some really dodgy things, like sticking their hands into the middle of a dish to 'fluff it up', and handling food with filthy fingernails.
Perhaps the worst thing I discovered, though, was the tendency of restaurants here to 're-use' food. This means that, for example, if you don't finish your soup, they'll take the leftover portion into their kitchen and pour it back into the pot. Result: the next customer gets part of your soup.
Perhaps the worst thing I discovered, though, was the tendency of restaurants here to 're-use' food. This means that, for example, if you don't finish your soup, they'll take the leftover portion into their kitchen and pour it back into the pot. Result: the next customer gets part of your soup.
I'm fairly sure this happened to me once in a beer hall restaurant near my hotel. The waitress recommended chicken soup to me, then a few moments later went to clear a big table where several people had been eating what she'd recommended. A few minutes after that, my bowl of chicken soup appeared, looking unnaturally thick and ... I don't know, somehow just 'wrong'.
I ate it anyway, 'cause I figured it was just 'Vietnamese-style'. But then afterwards I put two and two together, and came up with "Euuuwww!!!".
I ate it anyway, 'cause I figured it was just 'Vietnamese-style'. But then afterwards I put two and two together, and came up with "Euuuwww!!!".
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Fashionable 'Kissy' Face Masks
Ha Noi, Viet Nam, 24.09.10
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So that compromised one of the few things I was enjoying about the city up to that point. Which left ... er, my boss (who's awesome), the friendliness of Vietnamese people (who are incredibly smiley and keen to say "hello"), and ... well, the coffee. The coffee here is beyond all expectations. I'm gonna tell you about it in a separate entry, because it really deserves a page of its own on The Manor.
So anyway, that was my first two weeks in the city which (thanks to my boss) I've come to think of and refer to as "Scooterville".
Of course, I know that Viet Nam is under no obligation not to be crappy, and you could even argue that it has a kind of 'special dispensation'. I mean, it was only 40 years ago that the whole country was virtually annihilated, when the US put Operation Destroy an Entire Nation For No Good Reason And Fail Disastrously into effect. They dropped more bombs here than were dropped in the whole of WWII, and the chemical constituents of some of those explosives were absolutely ruinous from an agricultural point of view. So the fact that the country still exists at all is a frikkin' miracle.
In that sense, it isn't Viet Nam's fault that it's kind of an unpleasant place to live, and I'm trying to keep that in mind.
In that sense, it isn't Viet Nam's fault that it's kind of an unpleasant place to live, and I'm trying to keep that in mind.
It also has to be said that not every foreigner who comes here feels the way I do about it. I've met a couple of people who absolutely love Ha Noi and wouldn't be anywhere else, and others who say it was "difficult at first" but they "got used to it" and now "quite like it".
As to whether I'll stay ... well, of course I'm gonna give it some more time. Two weeks is not enough to judge how you feel about a city. That said, I have a sneaking feeling that I won't be seeing out my contract.
More about this soon, no doubt.
Bye!
* Xe-om / Moto = motorbike taxi
